“The key to successful leadership today is influence, not authority.” – Ken Blanchard
(About 1100 words)
(This post was inspired by Sam Spurlin’s article 5 minimalist things I do that piss off my girlfriend (and other normal people))
“Well, this ought to be fun.”
It was this past January when I started packing up my belongings along with my girlfriends to move back to the desert, Phoenix, AZ. The packing started out well. I got most of my stuff, minus the computer dismantling, done in about 30 minutes. Then the fun began.
I sent the following text messages to my girlfriend (or something like these)…
“We need to talk about your clothes.”
“This is ridiculous.”
“Do you really need 6 pairs of jeans?”
They were answered with words I don’t feel like displaying here. Needless to say, this was where my minimalist mindset became too much to handle for the two of us. This was the turning point to my approach to minimalism with others.
I have a few (okay, a lot) of flaws
Before the relationship I am in right now, I had never really had a girlfriend. I dated a lot, but never committed. I always had my independence and loved it. That’s not to say I don’t love the relationship I am in right now because I do. Here’s the thing about being in a relationship though, I have to compromise.
I have never ever compromised before having a girlfriend. If I wanted to do something or not do something, I just did or didn’t. Now, I must take into consideration another person’s thoughts and compromise. There really isn’t anything wrong with that, it is just difficult for someone who never has done that.
Anyways, back to the minimalist in me.
After my girlfriend and I having it out about me being frustrated about the amount of clothes she has and her being frustrated about me being such a minimalist, I realized something that I overlooked.
My girlfriend had the line of the argument when she said, “I didn’t choose to be a minimalist, you did!”
DING! DING! DING! The light bulb popped above my head. This was all my choice. I chose to have few possessions and to live a simple life the way I saw it. Why was I forcing something on someone who didn’t want that singular characteristic?
After having this discussion, I would like to think that I have improved on being judgmental. My girlfriend may think differently, but that is for her to decide in her thoughts below. Once I was able to hit myself in the face and realize what I was doing was unnecessary, I was able to focus more on my own minimalist actions rather than convince others what was right for them.
Before reading what my girlfriend thinks of minimalism and my approach, I suggest checking out some helpful advice from Leo Babauta. Below is a list of ways to deal with those that are not inclined to simplifying in your life that Babauta wrote in the article entitled 10 Ways to Deal With the Non-Simplifying Others in Your Life:
- Model Behavior
- Share how important it is to you, and the benefits
- Ask for help
- Educate
- Help them succeed
- Have patience
- Change what you can
- Set boundaries
- Realize you can’t control or change others
- Find support
The following are my girlfriend’s thoughts on minimalism and me…
There isn’t one specific definition of minimalism; in fact, the beauty of it is that it can mean many different things to each individual. In the past year, I have tried to become more of a minimalist for several reasons including financial, social, and environmental.
This past year has been tight financially for me. With the economy in such a downturn, traveling and then trying to re-establish myself, money has been one thing that hasn’t been in abundance. For the first time in my life, I have tried to watch my spending habits and limit the unnecessary things. Now, I was never a huge “spend-thrift” like you might think, but within reason, I never went without. Minimalism has helped me to think about my purchases much more than before.
It’s no secret that America has an enormous problem with over-consumption. It’s past the point of ridiculous and someone needs to put the brakes on American’s outrageous spending habits. It’s the cause of so many of our social problems, yet hardly anyone sees this and acts upon it. It’s not cool at all to be a “$30k millionaire” these days. Let’s get real people. Stop pretending to be what you’re not. Hang out with people that accept you as you are, accept yourself, and stop living outside your means. I am one of those people that tries to prove people wrong and a little bit of an extremist, so when I see people close to me buying expensive toys, cars, vacations, etc., I like to go the complete opposite way and not buy anything to show to them that genuine happiness cannot be bought. American’s need to realize this asap.
As for environmental, over-consumption is ruining our environment. I can’t believe there are still people out there that don’t believe in global-warming, but there are. The needs of the people on the earth is ruining our planet. We need to minimize our needs/wants.
Now with all the said, I am not about depriving yourself. I still want certain items and I have no problem buying them. I will never be the type of girl that has to have a new outfit for every occasion, but a new piece of clothing is necessary sometimes (all girls and now days most guys understand). Girls like to have options. I would hate looking in my closet and seeing just a few things hanging up. However, I don’t need every closet in the house filled with my clothes either. I would rather buy a few high-quality items that will last, than several cheap, meaningless items just to have them.
Also, minimalism can mean different things to different people. I see absolutely no need for the latest, best tech gear, while my boyfriend sees no need for extra pieces of clothing. We disagree a lot on the topic of minimalism. I try to make my minimalism journey present in all areas of my consumption and belongings, but it’s human nature to want things sometimes.
Minimalism isn’t defined as having nothing and depriving yourself all the time. It’s about making the conscious effort to limit your belongings to the most-desired and necessary and limiting the stuff that just fills your life.
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Thank you to my beautiful girlfriend for putting up with my simplistic antics. I truly do understand it is tough to enter the world of minimalism. Hopefully, I can be more patient and understanding when it comes to minimalism.
David Damron
The Minimalist Path
Click here to get a copy of PROJECT M-31: Simply Your Life in 31 Days
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